ok I am not so sure how to do this but here goes. I am going to be a
GRANNY!!!!
if i said I didn't know how this happenned I am sure I would hear a lot of sniggering. I know "how" it happened.
just not sure how it happened to me. I had all the talks about no sex til your married, use protection, live your life before you settle down.... you know the normal mommy stuff.
HOWEVER
my baby boy, yeah the 17 yr old who had never lied to me... the same one who promised me
"mom I ant going have sex until I am married" ... is making me a granny.
I would be lieing if I said I wasn't excited, but excitement was not the first thing I felt....
The first thing I felt was disappointment... not in my son but in me.
Where did I fail him? Was I too wrapped up in my own problems to see that my son was doing going grown up things and having grown up "fun"? Had I stopped communicating with him? Was I so un-approachable that he could not come to me and say "mom, Jess and I are thinking about having sex, can you help me to prevent an unplanned pregnancy", We (Kevin and I) had an agreement. If he felt he couldn't wait for marriage then he would use protection. He told me about the first time he smoked weed... I did not approve but I listened, we discussed why he shouldn't, he told me why he wanted to we agreed he wouldn't smoke and drive and he would not use my money to buy it.
He told me about a party he was invited to where there would/could be alcohol, I did not approve but he told me about it.... was having sex so much different than weed and/or alcohol? no I had not stopped listening to my son but over the last year I have had made less time for my son, I became to busy with my life, my problems, my changes in life style that I had less time for my son.
The next thing I felt was anger.
Not at my son, but at people who were encouraging an abortion.
then came pride.. yes pride.
My son said thats my baby and I dont want to kill it. Sorry if that offends anyone but hey I believe... and most importantly my son believes life begins at conception... you have your right not to believe but we also have our right to believe.. lets just leave it at that....
then there was fear...
Will I be able to let my son grow up and be a daddy without trying to interfering? Will I be able to stand on the sidelines coaching him to be a good parent without making him feel less of himself. What happens if they decide its to hard to be parents?, what if they can't provide the things the baby needs?, what if .... then I could hear my mama's sweet voice telling me "everything will be ok" they will learn ...just like you did" "just give your fears to God, he will take care of it all" Did I mention my mother was the wisest woman that ever lived? Well she was.
now there is EXCITEMENT!
We have a "count down to CJ's arrival" on the frig, I have bought tee shirts, oneies (sp?), toys, outfits, sleepers and socks.... Kevin has started buying diapers. Jess and Kevin can not go to the store without coming home with something for the baby... they have registered with target, babies r us, and a few other department stores. We have a bed and bassinet, I have started crocheting a blanket, a shower is being planned.... acceptance..... peace
I know there are going to be rough times and there are going to be times we disagree
but in the end we will work through this
Kevin, Jessica, Gary, Jessica's parents and I
we will make it..
CJ will be loved, He is already loved.
